Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
