next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
