we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize