We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
