i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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