i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
