o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
