Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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