September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
