I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
