alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
