im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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