I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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