I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Everything about him screamed your future.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
