My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize