Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
