Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
