I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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