Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
