Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
