sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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