He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i was in the wii world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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