Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize