Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
