I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
