just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
