Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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