So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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