She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
