Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
