dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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