I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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