FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
