I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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