Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
