He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
