Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
