peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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