living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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