4 words: hood of his car
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
