Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
