Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
