Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
