i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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