and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize