I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
