I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
