you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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