Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
