I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
