dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
