Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
