She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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