Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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