ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
