mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
