How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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