I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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