yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
