Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
