12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
