I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
