I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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