He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
