I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
